The name Josef means, "G-d shall add," which is exactly why we chose that name. It is the perfect name for him, because of how he came to be. My husband and I had our third child back in June of 1993. When he was about 9 months old we thought I might be pregnant, as it turned out I wasn't, but I got so scared, because I didn't think I could handle another one. My relationship with G-d was not very strong at the time. Trusting G-d was something I struggled with on a daily basis. I tried to serve Him and obey Him completely, but to trust Him completely was not so easy. Even though it turned out that I was not pregnant, it scared me so bad that I went into depression. My husband hated seeing me that way, and on the advice of an older friend that we trusted, we decided that the easiest way to guarantee that I would not, could not get pregnant again was for my husband to have a vasectomy.
About 6 months after the surgery I started regretting that I even allowed him to have it done. I didn't tell him right away though, because I didn't want to make him feel bad. Then one day a few weeks later I asked him if he had regretted the vasectomy, and he admitted that he had, at which point I started crying and apologized for allowing my emotions to control "us". Then I asked him if there was a way to reverse the vasectomy would he be willing to, he didn't even hesitate to answer YES.
We did some calling around and found out that it was going to cost around $4,000 to have a reversal surgery. This amount was completely out of our reach. We started praying on a regular basis for G-d to work this miracle for us, in what ever way. We had heard of spontaneous reattachments, and we knew about reversal surgeries, but we didn't pray specifically, just that if it was His will that we had more children that He would work out the details. But once in a while I was right back dealing with the same old trust issue. The lack of trust that got us in this situation in the first place, was now causing me to struggle with living in complete peace that He was in control.
We continued to pray for 2 1/2 years. I use to say that nothing happened for 2 1/2 years, but I have come to realize that A LOT was happening during those 2 1/2 years. Not the least of which is that I started learning how to trust. One day I heard this saying, "G-d is either G-d of all, or not G-d at all." Now I know that it is just a simple little saying, but it was and is exactly what I needed. It puts everything into perspective. From that point on, even to today whenever I am feeling a little scared about something, G-d reminds me of this little saying and almost immediately I feel the peace of G-d.
Now I'll jump to June of 1997. We attended a conference for Messianic Believers in Helena, Montana. A few Sabbaths after returning from the conference, our Rabbi called us up front. At first my husband and I just looked at each other like what is this all about, but we never in our wildest dreams could have imagined what was going to happen next. Our Rabbi looked at us and said that someone we met at the conference wants to pay for Timothy to have the reversal, and remain anonymous. At first it was like someone gave me a shot of Novocain, I just stared at my husband, I felt weak kneed, I was unable to truly comprehend what was happening. All the way home there wasn't the usual conversation in the car. It was like we just didn't know what to say. Funny after all this time I guess we had sort of accepted the fact that we probably would never have anymore children. Now it seemed that we might.
From that time on it seemed like one thing after another happened to delay things. It took a few months for the money to actually arrive. And in the mean time Timothy was injured on the job. He had to have surgery to his shoulder, and then we were moving the first part of December. Finally on January 7, 1998, Timothy had the reversal surgery. The doctor was only able to connect one side, which kind of bummed me out, but a friend of mine reminded me that, "it only takes one little guy." (Thanks Mitzi, for helping me keep things in perspective.) Then when the doctor said we could finally start trying to conceive, my grandmother took ill, and if I was to see her before she passed away I needed to go to California that next day. It was a hard decision, but Timothy reminded me that none of this was a surprise to G-d, so what if we didn't conceive for another month, or ever for that matter. He reminded me again of how we still need to remember that whether or not we actually had any more children was still up to G-d. G-d had already shown us His faithfulness through providing for the reversal.
Even after returning from California I had to be reminded almost daily that. "G-d is either G-d of all or not G-d at all." This seams like a good time to add that starting back in October G-d did another thing to guarantee that all the glory would go to Him through all of this. I started having unpredictable cycles. I had always been 28-29 days, and now I was going anywhere from 35-39 days, so I had no way of knowing when I was ovulating. This was going to be G-d's miracle, with no doubt about it. Then it happened, one day in May I was sick to my stomach. Not only was I sick, every time I opened the fridge the only thing that sounded good were hot peppers. After a few days I decided to get a home test, so on Mother's Day it was confirmed I was with child.
Just two days after that I started spotting, at first it scared me, but after a couple of days and a lot of prayer the peace of G-d came and believe it or not I never worried about the baby again. It was as if for me the wait was over. I had another child, whether or not the baby was miscarried, or born with a "defect" or any other thing, I still had another child, it was finally real for me. Even when my water broke 4 weeks early I still felt that this was G-d's child that if He wanted it back it was His right. Not that I wouldn't have grieved if I lost it, but the reality was that G-d was in control and again was I going to believe that "G-d is either G-d of all or not G-d at all?" But G-d must have wanted us to have this blessing, because he was born healthy and strong.
That's about it, I may have forgotten one or two points but I'm sure they are not important. I do not want to end this without taking the time to thank the person who felt directed by G-d to pay for the Timothy's reversal surgery. I understand why you want to remain anonymous, but I want you to know how grateful we are that you obeyed G-d's calling in this. There are a lot of good causes out there that you could have given to. It is not the most glorious of causes, but in my life it has meant more than just the ability to have more children. Through you G-d has shown me His love, and His faithfulness. Through all of this I have learned to trust G-d in a way that I never knew before. I feel I have become a better mother, a better wife and most of all a better, obedient, and trusting child of G-d.
Debby Moyer
Josef's Big Brothers
Timothy, Jr. DOB 11/16/87
Matthew DOB 11/19/89
Stephen DOB 06/20/93
Family Update
Josef's going to be a big brother come this fall!!
Due Date 11/1/2000
~~Kristan~~
VasReversal, Owner
Welcome to VasReversal! I'm Kristan, the Owner, and am glad you've come to look around and learn about reversals. While my story might not be just like yours, there is sure to be someone among our almost 300 members who has a story which may bring you hope or that you can relate to. Here is our story that brought us to VasReversal: Dale and I were married in 1987, and by 1992 we had our third son in 3 years. We discussed a vasectomy back then, but neither of us pursued it seriously and by diligently using birth control we managed to go another 5 years without getting pregnant. After 5 years my husband had a longing to have a little girl to spoil and protect. It was neat to see him want this and so after trying a bit, we conceived again, and much to our surprise we did indeed have a precious little girl! However, we must have turned the fertility button back on, because shortly we found ourselves surprisingly pregnant with #5! Dale began to worry terribly about finances, futures, etc. and talked of a vasectomy. Now it seemed logical to me to some degree, because so many people gave us a difficult time about having so many children. In fact, Dale got tired enough of the comments he often would stop them in their tracks by saying "this is our middle child!" It couldn't have been farther from his plan though because at this point he wanted absolutely no more children. Four months after our little Noah was born, Dale vehemently pursued a vasectomy. While I didn't feel right about it, I couldn't put my finger on the reason why, as I felt we had a lot on our plate too. I just couldn't quite reconcile my heart to it though, and the day of the vasectomy I cried and pleaaded in the parking lot of the surgeon's office asking him to not do it. He walked into the office and I drove away in tears hoping that somehow his heart would change. It didn't. Over the next 3 days I began to fall apart emotionally. Why? To this day, I can't tell you exactly, but I felt it was the beginning of the end of an incredibly beautiful marriage and I wondered how I would continue to love this man the rest of our lives. Sounds dramatic. But I felt betrayed, and yet, I could not tell you why. After three days of tears and screaming and yelling, he suddenly reached over, hugged me and offered to have a reversal if I would promise to be responsible for birth control from that time forward. Since I didn't have a need for more children at that point either, I agreed wholeheartedly just to restore the oneness I felt was gone.
So the long process of studying and researching reversals began. However, during this process, another surprising change began to occur within my spirit that I couldn't understand. I began to feel that perhaps the horrible emotional reaction to the vasectomy was because we had done something we shouldn't have, not just because it didn't feel right. Perhaps our fertility was not something we were meant to control. Maybe we had ruined something very special that was given to us by God because we had different expectations. And even more surprisingly, a tiny, itty bitty, nagging, tugging part of me began to want to have another child. I wondered if I just wanted one because I couldn't have one? Whatever the reason, I shared my new-found conviction and desire with Dale. Well, the reversal offer was quickly pulled off the table and I was crushed! I pleaded, cried, tried to explain, tried to persuade, but to no avail. It finally came to the point where he asked me to not bring it up again. I made it my objective then to learn all I could. I researched reversal surgical technique. I studied pre and post-operative medications, options. I became owner of VasReversal and carefully watched reversal outcomes, healing patterns of patients of particular surgeons, etc. Reversals became my passions. Educating others regarding the important aspects of reversals became my mission. And yet, in our own lives, I was incomplete not having experienced it for ourselves. At some point in this process, I remember running to the bathroom and crying out to God in a loud voice and great despair, "If you have given me this conviction, and if Dale and I are one, then why haven't you given it to him too?!" And there, in the stillness and quiet, I heard only in the openness of my desperate spirit, "If I have given you this conviction, and if you and Dale are one, will I not give it to him too?" And for the first time in a year, I had peace. For the first time in a year, Dale had peace too. No longer did I bug, nag or try to persuade him. I quietly went about my reversal mission on my own, not necessarily counting that it would ever happen for us. Three months later, Dale came to me, convicted through his own study (unbeknownst to me and not related to reversals) that he should have his vasectomy reversed. His was a different conviction. His was a life conviction, not just a fertility issue. He suddenly wondered how could he ask God to bless us in every area of our lives, when he wasn't willing to give Him control of every area of our lives. It was actually more than I had hoped for! Now his heart was softer than ever, he was more open to whatever God had in store for us period. Now I never suggest having a husband just make the reversal doctor choice for him, but in this case, I had researched long and hard and had an awful lot of experience in the reversal surgeon arena. I knew exactly where we would go. With no money saved and no insurance to pay for it, Dale said "just schedule it. If God wants this, He'll provide." And provide he did! In the next 3 months Dale had more overtime than ever before, or ever since! Not only did we save enough for one of the finest surgeons in the reversal industry, but we had enough to take our entire family on our first real vacation. We flew all 7 of us to the International Center for Vasectomy Reversal Center in Tuscon Arizona in March of 2001. Now coming from cold Michigan in March, to sunny Arizona was a treat and we enjoyed lots of sightseeing and tons of sunshine! It was phenomenal. We met Dr. Sheldon Marks on Tuesday, taking the whole family along, (kids were now 12, 11, 10, almost 4 and almost 2). He showed us around his surgical suite, disussed procedure, (which we had already discussed in a long telephone consultation). He even had our kids look under his powerful microscope at their own fingerprints. What an awesome learning experience! On Thursday, Dale's reversal began at an early hour. He chose to not be sedated, (most choose a light sedation), but opted for the IV which allowed for immediate intravenous antiinflammatory medications to keep swelling to a minimum, and to give him the option of sedation if he wanted it during the surgery. Using a local, (done very skillfully I might add, we have heard reports of the local being awful for some, when not done properly) Dale was very aware of the surgery itself and asked for a mirror to watch. He was incredibly fascinated by his unique design and God's precision in the human body. Dr. Marks managed to restore in about 3 l/2 hours what we destroyed in 15 minutes almost a couple years prior. We returned to the hotel where he lounged for the next two days by the pool, soaking up the sun and getting a nice tan, all the while carefully concealing a prescribed ice pak under an inconspicuously draped towel. Dr. Marks visited us that night and Friday evening at the hotel. Dale felt great and found it hard to not want to lift the luggage at the airport on Saturday! We returned to a snow covered airport in Michigan. But spring was joyous that year! Three months after the reversal, we found we were pregnant with our first reversal baby! Our little daughter Selah (Say-lah) was born in January 2002 and she is everything we expected a reversal baby to be. She has brought incredible healing to our marriage and our spirits. She is now 20 months old and we are looking to the birth of our 2nd reversal baby due in just a few weeks! We still get amazingly rude comments about having six children and one on the way, but the blessings have been incredible! We wish we had felt this way about children when we raised the first three and had enjoyed their childhood's the way we have had opportunity to now. My advice to anyone considering reversal: Follow your heart. Research, research, research, and accept only the best based on the information you have been trusted with. Pray, pray, pray! For in the grand scheme of things, what can possibly be more important than the love of God and family! This may be your opportunity to have both!
UPDATE! Emma Leigh was born Nov. 6, 2003!
Since this time, Emma was followed by KaraLynn Grace in 2007. And just recently, Nov. 2008, we were blessed and surprised with identical twin girls! We now have five pre- and five post-reversal children, totalling ten children! We are in awe of the joy that came from giving God total control!
